people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
