he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
