he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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