I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
