Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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