Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
