so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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