I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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