hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
