I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
