i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
