dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
