Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
