I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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