He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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