After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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