If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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