Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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