dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
