I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
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Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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