I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
