Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
