Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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