did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
