you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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