He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
