yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
