worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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