that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
