so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
