Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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