omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
