I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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