my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
