If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
