that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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