i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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