i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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