She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
