I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
