im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
