I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
