East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
worst night to have a conscience
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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