You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
