it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Randomize
