I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
