I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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