I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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