Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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