her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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