After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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