I'm going to jail i love you
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
