based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He had one of those small greek statue penises
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
