Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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