ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
