Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
