Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
