Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
